It seems like we rarely have phone conversations anymore.  Everything is done over text so when you’re dating or getting to know someone, how can you flirt in writing? Sexologist and Author of The Game of Desire, Shan Boodram, teaches us the art of flirting via text!

How-to start:

If you’re not that exceptional at flirting, flirting over text is your save and grace.

To put it simply flirting is communication plus sparks. Try and think about how you would normally communicate with someone and add a little something in there. Can even be an emoji.  If you were to say to somebody, “How’s your day” “oh my days doing great” plus sparks would be “my days doing great and better now that you’ve reached out.” Or “my days doing great, I keep thinking about the last time we hung out whenever I get bored and you pick me.”

How to flirt in a non-sexual way: 

When you flirt with someone it’s important to know what the end intention is. For instance if your end goal is someone that can be a mate to you the “plus sparks” you could text would be “I loved getting to know you” or “I read the book that you suggested and it really moved me.” The plus would be the intention that you set for the relationship.

You can also do this by making the text intimate.  Being intimate has to do with 3 different areas: Passion, Connection and Commitment. You can make a text flirty by alluding to any of those, it doesn’t have to be about sex.

Flirting do’s & don’ts:

Do: Use humour, dating apps show that humour is one of the leading qualities that people base compatibility on. would absolutely be to go a little bit above what somebody gave you.

Don’t: Use self-deprecating humour, putting yourself down does not put you in the best light possible.

Do: Use emojis, they can help as punctuation tools. They can help show your texting partner what you are trying to hint towards.

Don’t: Use emojis as your primary tool of communication. A lot can get lost in translation.

Do: Try to advance the intimacy. Approach flirting like a poker game which means that you want to go a little higher than the person called out.  If somebody gave you a compliment, you want to give a compliment and add a touch neutral. For example “I love that colour on you”, “Thank you, that shirt looks great on you! Can I touch it?”

Don’t: Be too obvious. For example, if someone complimented you on your shirt don’t respond with “Thanks, but your pants would look better on my floor.” Show some restraint.